A return to power

Not to worry all i am back and it's not over yet.

After a few weeks of working very hard and not having a lot of time on my hands i thought i would while sat on the radio write a blog. This blog will be a bit more poserive than some of my bast few as for now all is good and everything seams to be good with the world (all most everything i still can't spell without spell checker)

As they say Karma is a B***h no it is true she really is one that is my only moan point for this time, i am now back better than ever and there is not a lot that can stop me now, just a question who are we all really? Where just men and women with names.

i have found in the past weeks that i could quite happily live for ever now because i am tbh quite far out of my tree and the question was i ever in one to start with was raised but i find that i could talk to myself forever and not get board, yet having someone to share your time with dose make it go a lot quicker.

Till later I will see you on the battlefield.

Torcher

There are mean way to break a man and although I regret saying it there are far fewer ways to break a lady, but at the end of the day they are less fragile than men and there are not rally any reasons why I should regret saying it because to be truthful ladies are better than men.

All the time I spend with my best friends and all they do is just hurt me, not directly but because of what they do when I’m around them such as their actions with what they do with their partners and then have the check to ask am I ok with what is going on but to keep them happy I fob them off even thought I was suffering from it.

The best way to hurt someone is not inflict physical pain or to hit them and hurt the body, you hit the physiological side the emotional side of the person this is the most painful form of torcher that anyone can inflict on you.

There is only so long that you can try and protect yourself from all the pain but at the end of it all most of us brake under the pain and give in and just collapse and then give into the torcher and tell all but every now and then there are those who have the strength to resist the torcher of love are the ladies.

Love may be a torcher that could break me but try real torcher for something other than love then that would be a different story, as there is strength that comes from this pain it builds walls to help you defend against such pain and to help you keep all the secrets that you are holding and maybe just maybe you might one day find that someone who you care about so much you will spill all to them.

But really who is the one who is torching you is it the person behind the mask? Is it person in the shadows who is pulling the strings or are you the one who is doing all the torching of yourself because you are so sad and allow that nobody wants you or could ever want you.

Till later I will see you on the battlefield.

A little silhouette of a man.

Hay all I am sorry that I have not posted much but I have
been busy working and not doing things that make me feel better or help me but
things that help others and in no way myself, but now I am back into the battle
or at least for now, if I am only a shadow I’m still here but at least there is
still a shadow of me here.

Just a shadow of a broken man. How does the light not pass
through a broken object? Then how does it create a shadow? The shadow is just
the afterthought of the person who cast it. Maybe it is the shadows that hide
who we really are, what really keeps us from getting hurt.

There are a thousand ways to hurt a man from the shadows weather it is with a rifle or you just steal what they want but the shadows are always there, sometimes the shadows are used to hide our true selves the side that we don’t really want others to see but at the end of the day they end up seeing it and it destroys them.

Then again what if the shadow of a man is all we truly are without
the whole balances to keep us together, or is it the fact we all hide some of
ourselves away so that we can’t be hurt or be lost to the shadows, how can one
be lost to the shadows if you are already in there to some extent.

Is the card real or is it just a metaphor of what we have to
hide from the world, do we give our lives to the card or are we forced to the
card and is it this that makes us just a little silhouette a broken fragment of
a grater being. Winning is not always the way sometimes you have to lose to
unlock the truth of what is hidden beneath even if it means you end up being
locked away forever and a day.

One of the only things you can ever only be with all the
time is your shadow, could you stand with my shadow all the time or stand with
me there and wait for me as you look off over the hills and far away. But this
is an idea I will expand on in my next report.

Till later I will see you on the battlefield.

It’s just a game of chance.

Life is like a card duel, even when I stack the deck I just
can’t seem to win; maybe I just don’t have that one card. Wait I am just that
one card short I have it there in the deck I just can’t pull it, even when I rig
the deck it never comes.

Life is just like a card duel, a game of chances, some of us
play to win and some of us play for the draw (a game of stratajamus anyone?)
the only true way to play is to play just within the rules and hopeful your
gamble pays off but from what I have seen they don’t normally. For others they
do unless you’re me.

The time comes when you’re having the game of your life and
that perfect hand comes along you take the chances to play it, one hand to win
it all out right and there are only a few ways to stop it but a few ways to
play it. You always have to keep this hand close and to keep it safe from those
who would want to stop it.

Then sometimes there is more to everything, just think you
could get trapped in the card and then become less than a shadow of your former
self or do you just become the person who you have always been? A broken shell?
Is that all it is.

Sometimes it just takes a kiss to make it all better and
then fixes everything, but this is not a fair tail so it never happens like
that. But when it does happen you drop everything for them just 2 show them all
the love, care and affection in the world.

Yet alas it’s all just a game of chances, with the odds of 2,598,956:
1 with and approximate probability of 0.000,038,5 of getting it 1^st
hand and sometimes it feels like there the odds with everything these days.

Till later I will see you on the battlefield.

Just a quicky

Hay all

Contort to common gossip around the water cooler I’m not dead, ok if I am I missed how I died so I’ll catch the re-run and let you know how it went. Sorry I have not been posting much in the past few weeks but have been busy, but I’m back now.

Happy valentine’s day to you as well Keeley sorry I missed it but it’s only a day used by the corporations to make money, to show love and that you care for someone you say it every day and not just because its valentine’s day but because you love them the same every day. No I spent the day by myself and just sent a signal pink and white Lilly but it went un-noticed.

Thanks Gregg for thinking that Hugh Grant would be good at plying me on screen but dunno how it a film about my life would go. Maybe one day I might wright it and sell it to a studio.

If there is no one who cares for you then why do I care for them? Most people I can’t talk for but for me I care because I’m a fool? An idiot? No I see the best in every one and then get treated like crap and then paying by being walked all over. Some people avoid this by being a twat or a cock or an ass that way they don’t get treat like crap and they do get the girls or at least from what I have seen they do. Alas I cannot be like the I still have my honor and my reputation as a gentleman to keep me going.

A quick hypothetical, what would you do in my places?

I reach a wooden brige only room for one person to cross. You get half way and you meet someone walking from the other side. It’s the one I love they have a gun.

What do you do?

I shoot!

Her? Why?

NO MYSELF!

Why?

So she can save her bullets and so I don’t have to suffer the pain of her betraying me by not killing me but by shooting me and leaving me there to die with the pain of the wound and the fact she did not kill me.

JUSTIFY!

I love her and I treat her like a goddess and would give her the world if she wanted it, but she treats me like a slave.

Till later I will see you on the battlefield. It’s not over yet!

Alone

In all my years I do not think I have been as alone as I am
at this moment in time, here by myself again while everyone else is asleep I’m
just sat waiting till the morning for the others to get up, the joys of not
sleeping at night, or not going out with one of the girls.

I’m happy to wait for them all to get up because the need
sleep witch unlike myself I can survive without sleep and speed the time
working rather than being laid in bed or sat on the end of it. Truthful I would
rather be laid in bed with “le patron” being laid there with her is the best
places I could ever be. But it’s not often I get the time just watch the world
go by and its some of the most well worth the time I’ve spent with her and that
I would happily do it again.

I’m not jellies of her and her having a boyfriend but
everyone knows that he is not right for her she is my best friend and we have
been more on and off over the years. But he just uses her to run him around and
just for sex, instead of keeping promises that she has made to her friends just
to keep him happy. I know that she loves him and she does it because she loves
him and wants to keep him happy and not to lose him. At the end of the day I’m
happy for her because she is happy witch at the end of the day is the most
important thing, all because she is the most important thing to me and I will
always stand by her no matter what happens.

Just being here and now weighting this reminds me how little
love, care or affection people show me the outcast who is unloved and left out
in the cold by everyone, even by those who say they love me but do they or are
they just saying that to get what they want from me or is it just there way of
showing me that they love me? If it is then it’s quite a warped way of doing it
even by my standards and that’s saying a lot or am I just hopping that someone
loves me.

Sorry about talking so long to post again and then not posting
it straight away but I have been busy and away from the computer for a bit.
Also I must apologies for not expanding on the idea of the queen of my heart
but hopefully I will in my next report.

Till later I will see you on the battlefield.

Time is an illusion, lunchtime bubbly so and the time I spend with you more so.

How so much has changed over the course of a year. At about
the time I am writing this now about this time last year I was chatting to one
of the best girls I have ever. Oh how times have changed we still chat and
stuff but how time has changed.

Now this year “le patron” me and her both have seen how the
world is to change and how it has for us both, even though we both walk a similar
path to one another time seems to have taken a drastic toll on me more than
her, with every hour I’m with you it seems like a second.

I wish these times we spend together would never end, but
everything must end in the end as zero must be re set back to zero or it will
all start again but it all starting again is not what we all want to happen as
this could prove bad for us all.

But now in these small hours some two or so hours after I started
typing this I sit and wait for the sun to rise over the trees just to say it’s
a new day now. With this new day I will return to where I have come from back
to a places where I don’t know who is friend or who is foe. The places where
another is someone who has had such an impact on my life almost as much as “le
patron”. Someone who we sit together all the time chat and just enjoy each
other’s company and every now and then do a bit of work together, someone who I
want to tell all but fear how she will take it.

Hear we both have sat and just eat ben & jerries’
together or watch a film together and just watch the hours fly past us and note
that the world does not see us anything big but just as ants. Yet we are more
than ants or so I hope, I hope we will be greater than that, yet ants make ant
hills and you are my queen.

She is the queen of my heart but this is an idea I’ll expand
on in my next report.

Till later I will see you on the battlefield.

P.S. I know that its not in the middle of the nite i'm posting this but i fell asleep before i could post it so i'm posting it now. enjoy.